Sand and Water
by JenLea
Summary: SLASH CenaOrton John Cena's life partner, Randy is dying. John is forced to deal with his partner's coming death and raise their young daughter.
1. Love, despite all

Sand and Water

Disclaimer: I own no one except Rhiannon. The rest of the characters are property of the WWE

Warning: You may need a tissue!

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The day John Cena realized his husband was never coming home was the worst day of his life.

Randy had always been there. He had seen John at his worst. He had seen John at his best.

Now, Randy was constantly at his worst.

The strong scent of disinfectant smothered him. Each step he took echoed down the deserted hallway of the Oncology Ward. The mint green paint, meant to cheer people up, mocked him.

This was not a cheerful place.

"Rand?" John asked, slowly entering the room.A sob caught in his throat, catching sight of Randy's still form.

"Hey,C" Randy mumbled weakly. His eyes were dazed and glassy, showing no hint of that familiar twinkle. His eyes, once so full of life, now showed nothing. His spirit, his will to live was gone. John knew it was also a side effect of Randy's Morphine.

Randy had always been a lively man. He loved life and lived to the fullest. That is until he was struck down by Testicular Cancer.

Randy, always a fighter, had fought a valient battle. He wanted to live, not for himself, but for John and their young daughter.

As much as John tried to remain optimistic, he knew Randy was never coming home. The love of his life was dying.

"How are you feeling?" John asked, stroking Randy's hand.

"Shitty. How's um,um Rhiannon?" Randy asked, referring to their four-year-old daughter.

"She's with Trish and Chris. Rand, do you want to say good-bye to her?" John questioned. Many nights, he stayed up, struggling with the question. Should Rhiannon be allowed to say good-bye?

"Yes. I want to see our little girl... one last time," Then, Randy fell into a Morphine induced slumber.

John watched Randy sleep. Questions raced through his mind. Would seeing Randy like this scar Rhiannon for life? Could her innocent mind handle seeing 'Papa' like this? Could she really be expected to understand?

"Excuse me!" John called, as a nurse walked in to check Randy's vital signs.

"Yes, John, right?"

"Yeah.. Can our four-year-old daughter visit him? We want her to be able to say good-bye," John murmured. The nurse nodded.

"Children aren't really allowed on the ward, but I'll make an exception. Make sure she stays quiet. My father died when I was little, and I never got the chance to say good-bye. It's important," the nurse said.

John grasped Randy's limp hand.So much had passed through these hands. He had been the first one to hold Rhiannon.

_Isn't she beautiful, C?_

_Of course, Rand,_

'C', John was always 'C'. He vaguely understood, but there was no explaining Randy.

John picked up the hospital phone and dialed Chris Irvine's phone number. He had to check on Rhiannon.

"Hello?" It was Trish, Chris' wife and she sounded concerned.

"Trisha, it's John,"

"How's Randy?"

"He doesn't have long. Can you bring Rhiannon to the hospital?"

"Of course! Give me half an hour,"She hung up.

John turned his attention back to Randy. He hated seeing his husband like this. Then, the words of Randy's vows filled his memory.

_I, Randy, take thee John as my life partner. You make me whole. You make me the man I've become. You-_

John couldn't bare to remember anymore. Randy had been so healthy.

Now, he was forced to watch the soul of his lover part from his body.

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In another review, I was asked about my M/M slash. I decided to give it a try.

Hope you enjoyed it!

JenLea

Three reviews gets chapter two up.

PREVIEW: Randy and John reminisce and Rhiannon visits.


	2. A visit from Rhiannon

Sand and Water Chapter 2

_A Visit from Rhiannon_

Disclaimer:I own no one, except Rhiannon

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"Rand?" he asked. Randy's eyes blinked open slowly.

"Yes?" Randy asked, putting the bed into a sitting position. A cushion in his lap prevented him from slumping over.

"Can I read you a letter I wrote when you first got sick?" John asked.

"Yes," Randy mumbled. John cleared his throat.

_7/16/09_

_Dear Randy,_

_You have just told me you have have testicular cancer. I have run out, mostly to clear my mind._

_Just as life starts going our way, something inevitably goes wrong. I may sound angry, but I'm just in shock._

_No matter what happens, I'll stay by your side. We vowed to love each other in sickness and in health. I intend to keep my vows._

_Rand, we'll get through this. It won't be easy._

_I worry about you. I worry about me. Most of all, I worry about Rhiannon. She's so young. Will she understand what's going on with Papa? Am I going to have to remain doubly strong?_

_No matter what happens, I love you. Through it all, you can always depend on my love. _

_Love,_

_John_

"Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I'm gone," Randy rasped. The door opened with a soft creak. John jerked his head. He grinned as Rhiannon walked in, holding Trish's hand.

Rhiannon was four years, three months old. The biological child of Randy and Trish,as a surrogate, she had long blonde hair and Randy's emotional brown eyes. She was truly a beautiful child.

"Daddy!" Rhiannon squealed loudly. John motioned for her to lower her voice. Grinning, she nodded.She glanced over to Randy. "Papa?" The tone in her voice was questioning.

"Yes, Sweetie. That's Papa," John murmured. He tightened his grip on her. "He's very, very sick,"

"Are the doctors going to make him better?" Rhiannon asked, glancing up at him with her big brown eyes.

"No, Sweetie. The doctors can't make him better," John replied, sniffling.

"Is he going to die?" Rhiannon asked. She was familiar with death because of her pet rabbit.

"Yes, Baby Girl. Papa is going to die," Those words were hard to get out.

"I don' want Papa to die!" Rhiannon wailed. John's heart split in two.

"Neither do I, but he's going to die," John murmured. "Sweetie, it's time to say good-bye,"

John lifted Rhiannon onto the bed. She flinched as she avoided Randy. Tears filled his eyes. He couldn't believe his little girl was afraid of 'Papa'.

"Hi, Princess," Randy rasped, reaching out to touch her. She squirmed away. Then, she glanced up at John.

"You're not gonna hurt him," John promised. She nodded slowly. Then, she reached out and touched Randy's hand.

"Papa, do you have to die?" Rhiannon asked. Randy nodded slowly.

"Don't be afraid. I'm always here," Randy rasped. Rhiannon wailed, John picking her up.

"You're okay," John murmured, rubbing her back. He handed her to Trish. "I'll be home tonight,"

"Bye, Daddy. Bye, Papa," Rhiannon murmured. She waved, Trish carrying her out of the room.

John sighed as Trish shut the door. He glanced down at Randy. "Feeling okay?" Randy slowly shook his head.

"Look in the nightstand," he rasped, closing his eyes.

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Well? I'm amazed at the amount of support for this story. Keep up the reviews! Enjoy!

JenLea

Three reviews gets chapter 3 up

PREVIEW: Letters from Randy


	3. Letter from Randy

Sand and Water Chapter 3

_Letter from Randy_

Disclaimer: I own no one except Rhiannon.

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"Look in the nightstand," he rasped, a nurse coming in. John nodded, stepping out of the nurse's way.

"Randy, I don't like your pulse ox. I'm hooking up oxygen," she murmured. Randy nodded weakly.

John rifled through the nightstand, finding two envelopes. Then, he turned his attention back to Randy.

"How much longer?" John asked, noticing the soft hiss coming from the oxygen tank.

The nurse sighed, sliding the nasal cannula into Randy's nose.

"Hard to say. Could be a few hours, could be a few days," the nurse said, covering him with a blanket.

Sitting by Randy's bedside, he slit open the envelope addressed to him and began to read.

_1/16/10_

_Dear John,_

_You have fallen asleep in a chair, beside my bed. You have spent so much time here that it's amazing Rhiannon remembers who you are._

_When I first got sick, you promised you wouldn't leave my side. I thought "He'll go back to Rhiannon. I'll see him when Rhiannon's in preschool." I was wrong. I'm amazed Rhiannon doesn't give you a problem when you leave._

_I know I don't have long to live. Most people are afraid of death. I view it as a new adventure. I'm sick of all the pain._

_Don't mourn for me. I am not a person to be mourned. I led a happy life. I am twenty-nine years old. I should have another forty, fifty years ahead of me. _

_When I lay awake after chemo, I pause to wonder. Would you have stayed with me six years ago if you had known about the future? How did I get so lucky?_

_The day Rhiannon was born was the best day of my life. Take care of my little princess. She is one of the best things to ever happen to me._

_Enclosed is my commitment ring. Drugs meant to keep me alive have made my hands and fingers swell. Besides, Rhiannon deserves to have it. _

_Remember our commitment ceremony? It seems so long ago. Everything was so new. We vowed to be together forever. ._

_Now, I lay dying. I don't want drugs or machines keeping me alive. I want to die with dignity._

_Keep my memory alive for Rhiannon. She should know why she's an Orton-Cena. _

_You made me so happy in life. If you ever meet a special guy, don't be afraid to follow your heart. I want you happy after my passing. _

_I love you, and I always will. I'm always around. Whenever you're sad or lonely, just pause and think of me. I am always with you. _

_Until we meet again._

_Love you forever,_

_Randy_

_P.S I am not afraid of death. I look forward to Eternal Paradise. No pain, no suffering.Only one thing about death upsets me. _

_You will not be with me. _

_P.PS Please read Rhiannon's letter to her. _

_P.P.P.S It is okay to cry. Don't be strong for my sake. I'd be happier if I saw show all your emotions._

Closing his eyes, John struggled not to cry. Remembering Randy's words, John began to bawl.

Life was changing so fast. Rhiannon was growing up. Randy was dying. Through it all, John had the tough one, never shedding a tear. He was afraid that showing the slightest bit of emotion would make him seem weak.

John Cena had grown up, hearing 'Grown men don't cry.' It was a sign of weakness. He had always been taught to never show his emotions.

For the first time in his life, he showed emotion.

It felt great.

"John," Randy rasped. Jerking his head, John faced his husband. "Be with Rhiannon,"

"What?" John questioned.

"Take Rhiannon out,"

"What if something happens to you?" John knew Randy's time was coming to an end. He had known it for a long time.

"I'll wait until you get back,"

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Chapter 3 is up! I am stunned by the popularity of this fic. Keep reading! Keep reviewing!

Enjoy!

JenLea

PREVIEW: John goes out with Rhiannon and has an in-depth conversation with his young daughter.


	4. A Visit with Rhiannon

Sand and Water 4

_A Visit with Rhiannon_

Disclaimer: I own no one except Rhiannon

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Driving home, John finally realized what Randy had said.

_I'll wait until you get back_

Randy was waiting to die.

"Trish, it's John," He spoke into his cellphone.

"How's Randy? Did he ...?"

"Not yet. He's waiting until I get back,"

"What?"

"Long story,"

"Coming here?"

"Just to pick up Rhiannon. Please have her ready,"

"Sure," Then, Trish hung up.

Driving through the busy streets of Manhattan, John was lost in his thoughts. Randy was dying. He still couldn't believe he'd have to spend the rest of his life without him. He couldn't believe Rhiannon would never really get to know her other father. He would be a cherished memory, alive in memories,pictures and stories.

Trish was outside her high-rise apartment building, waiting with Rhiannon in hand. John pulled up to the curb.

"Thanks, Trish. We'll be back in about an hour, maybe two," he explained, watching Trish buckle Rhiannon into her booster seat.

"Daddy, how's Papa? When are we going home?" Rhiannon asked. John sighed.

Normally, they lived in Northbridge, Massachusetts, a humble suburb of Worchester. When Randy had gotten sick, they had temporarily relocated to Manhattan to be near Sloan-Kettering, one of the best cancer hospitals in the tri-state area.

"Papa's very, very sick. We may not be going home. We may stay in the city or Connecticut," John explained. "Do you like New York?"

"It's lots louder than home," Rhiannon said. "I go with Daddy," John smiled, his first true smile in days. Rhiannon had that effect on him.

"Ice cream or pizza?" John asked. Rhiannon laughed, considering the choices.

"Ice cream! Aunty Trish and Uncle Chris and me already had dinner!" she exclaimed. John chuckled.

"What'd ya eat?" he asked.

"Chinese food!" Rhiannon exclaimed. "And I had all my brocolli!"

"Good girl!" John praised. Rhiannon smiled.

"How's Papa?" she asked again. John's grin vanished. He had wanted to avoid the topic, for fear that Rhiannon would start crying again.

"He's going to die soon. I won't lie to you," John murmured. Rhiannon nodded.

"Will Papa go with Flopsy?" she asked. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he realized she was relating death to the only thing she knew about it.

"Papa is going to go to Heaven. What do you think Heaven is?" he asked. Rhiannon closed her eyes. He knew she was seriously thinking of the answer.

"Heaven is where God and the Angels live. When Papa dies, the angels will be there to say hi," she said. John nodded.

"Can you visit Heaven?" he asked, wanting to figure out how much she knew.

"I don' think so. Can I?" she asked. John shook his head.

"You're right. We can't visit Heaven," he replied. She began to cry softly. Pulling into a street space, he got out of the car and helped her out of her booster seat.

"Daddy?" she asked, tears running down her face. He picked her up. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Yes, Rhia?" he asked, using Randy's nickname for her. She picked her head up and glanced into his eyes.

"That's Papa's name!" she shouted angrily. John nodded.

"Sorry, Rhiannon. What was your question?" he asked. She sighed.

"Is it okay to cry?" she asked.

"Of course, Baby. Any other questions?" he asked, sitting down on a park bench. She nodded, sniffling.

"If I get sick, will I die like Papa?" she asked.

Those words stung John. He then realized that everything she knew about her world had been tested. It wasn't right.

"Sweetie, Papa has a special sickness called cancer. If you get a cold or the flu, you won't die," he explained. "Probably."

"Will you die?" she asked.

"Eventually. Everyone dies. I plan to be with you for a very long time." he explained.

"Will I die?" she asked.

"Someday," he replied. Then, she began to sob with furious wails.

"I got mad at Papa for not being home. Is it my fault he is gonna die?" she asked.

With that one question, John lost it. He began to sob. Rhiannon began to rub his back, and tried to comfort him. John was amazed by the small child's compassion.

"Papa going to die because of cancer. You didn't cause his death because of being mad. Do you want to see him?" he asked. She nodded slowly.

"Yes," she said.

"Okay. Let me tell you some things. The beeping machines next to his bed are called _monitors_. They tell the doctors and nurses how fast or slow is heart is beating. He doesn't have hair because of a special medicine called _chemotherapy_. The medicine helped kill the bad cancer cells. He has lost a lot of weight. That's why he doesn't look like he normally does. His throat hurts, so, he can't talk in a loud voice. He can only whisper," he explained. "Do you understand?"

"Yes. Daddy, can I hurt him?" she asked. He shook his head.

"No, Princess. You can't hurt him," he explained. She nodded, kissing John's forehead.

John knew Rhiannon would never be the same. She had lost alot of her childlike innocence.

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Chapter 4 is up! I am still stunned by the popularity of this story.

Just a small warning. You'll need your tissues next chapter.

Keep reading! Keep enjoying! Keep reviewing!

JenLea

PREVIEW: Rhiannon says her final good-bye to 'Papa'.


	5. Godspeed

Sand and Water Chapter 5

_Godspeed_

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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John sighed, glancing at Rhiannon in the rearview mirror. Her face was red and tear-stained.

"Trish?" He was on his cellphone.

"Yeah, John?"

"Can you meet us at Sloan-Kettering?"

"Why?"

"Rhiannon wants to see him again,"

"What if she freaks again?"

"I've prepared her to the best of my ability,"

"Fine," Trish hung up.

Rhiannon kept silent. John kept silent. They reached the hospital in twenty minutes. After parking, John took Rhiannon out of her booster seat. She set her head on his shoulder.

"Ready, Baby? You don't have to do this if you don't want to," John explained. Rhiannon nodded.

Trish was outside the hospital. Chris, her husband was by her side. John approached them slowly.

"He doesn't have long," John murmured. Chris nodded, to say he understood. " Rhiannon has to say good-bye,"

"I understand," Chris murmured in an inaudible whisper.

John was on a mission. He had to let Rhiannon see Randy alive... one last time. He knew if he didn't allow her to see him, he would regret it forver. The stories of her Papa's love would be just that.

Stories.

She would never know how he had been the first one to hold her. How he had INSISTED on changing her first diaper.

Sure, John would tell her about Papa's love. Yet, stories didn't even begin to scrape the top layer of Randy's love for her.

"Ready?" John asked. Rhiannon nodded. He reached out and opened the door.

Randy was barely conscious. His eyes were open, and yet, it was obvious he wasn't there. The light had drained out of his blue eyes.

The end was near.

"John?" he mumbled in a raspy voice. John sighed. He hadn't expected Randy to be this bad.

"I'm here, Rand. So's Rhiannon," he said. Randy gazed up to Rhiannon.

"Hi, Papa," Rhiannon murmured shyly.

"Rhia," Randy said.

"Papa, when you get to Heaven, will you say hi to Flopsy for me?" she asked, associating the fact Randy would be gone like her rabbit.

"Yes,Rhia," he replied, coughing. She clung to John.

"Can I give Papa a hug?" she whispered. Only John could hear her.

"Of course, Baby," He gently placed Rhiannon on Randy's bed.

Rhiannon scooted closer to Randy. Gently, she placed her arms around his neck and gave him a final hug.

That was the final straw. John began to cry. Trish gently placed her arms around him. She let the man cry on her shoulder.

"Be good for Daddy. Make him smile when he needs to. As long as you're alive, I'm never truly gone. I'll always be with you," Randy rasped. Then, using every ounce of strength he had left, he kissed her forehead.

"Bye, Papa," she said. Chris scooped her up. Trish followed him out of the room, leaving John alone with Randy.

John sat down in a hard plastic chair. Taking Randy's hand between his own, he stared at the still form of his husband.

"God, Rand. I don't want to say good-bye. You've been a part of my life for so many years," John murmured. Then, he realized how selfish he sounded. "Mom always said if you loved someone, you'd know when to let them gp. Go to the Lord. You don't need all the pain. Go gently. You don't need to fight anymore. I'm letting you go," Randy's eyes flew open.

"I love you," he murmured in an inaudible whisper. The monitor alarms began to scream as his vital signs began to decelerate. John grasped his hand tighter.

"Good-bye, Randy. I'll always love you. Rhiannon will never forget you," John murmured. "Godspeed,"

Randy passed peacefully with his husband near. He didn't fight back.

Death was a welcome gift.

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Anyone crying? This is probably the saddest chapter(in my opinion) Keep reading! Keep enjoying! Keep reviewing!

JenLea


	6. Unusual Memorial

Sand and Water Chapter 6

_Unusual Memorial_

Disclaimer: As usual, I own no one!

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"He's gone," John announced. Trish silently wiped her eyes with the corner of her sleeve.

"Do you want me to tell Rhiannon?" she asked, running her fingers through Rhiannon's long blonde hair. John shook his head.

"I'll tell her in the morning," he declared. Tears welled up in his eyes. Yet, he didn't cry.

Randy had been his husband for six years, his best friend for eight years. The younger man had played such a huge role in his life.

Life without Randy would be hard to get used to.

Chris and Trish took Rhiannon back to their apartment. John was on his own.

Just how he wanted it.

Leaving the hospital, John began to walk. Bright lights blinded him as he passed city block after city block. He had no clue where he was. He had no clue where he was going.He was just walking.

_Marco's Bar_ a neon sign read. John stopped. Closing his eyes, he remembered something Randy had told him.

_Small bars always have the best characters_

John was frightened. He was beginning to forget the sound of Randy's voice. Would he begin to forget everything about the man he had loved so deeply?

How could he remember for Rhiannon if he forgot? Would Rhiannon know how much her father had loved her?

Shaking violently, he reached out and opened the door to the bar. The smoky haze made him cough in surprise. He kept walking.

He sat at the bar. An elderly man with an eye patch sat next to him. John shook his head, unable to believe he was actually in the bar.

"Can I get you something?" the bartender asked.

"Bud," he murmured, unable to remember the last time he had had a beer. It had been before Rhiannon's birth four years prior. That much he knew.

The bartender slid a cold bottle in front of him. John handed the man a five dollar bill. Raising the bottle, he glanced towards the sky.

_Rest in peace_, he thought,sipping the beer.

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Yeah, I know this is probably a strange chapter. This is supposed to be John's way of coping after losing Randy. Once again,I acknowledge how strange this is.

JenLea


	7. Between Daddy and Daughter

Sand and Water Chapter 7

_Between Daddy and Daughter_

Disclaimer:I own no one!

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John sighed as he heard Rhiannon awake. What he was about to tell her was the most difficult thing he had ever told her.

"Daddy?" she questioned, stunned. He nodded, pulling her into his lap. She glanced into his eyes. He blinked as he realized he was staring at a female version of Randy.

"Sweetie, I have some sad news," he murmured. She shifted nervously. "Late last night, Papa went to Heaven,"

The little girl began to shake violently. John held her. Soon, her shaking turned into loud wails. He rubbed her back and ... cried with her.

It felt great to share his grief with the small child. She was going through the same shock of emotions as her father.

"It'll be okay, Baby, it'll be okay," he murmured, rubbing her back. "Papa wrote you a letter,"

"He did?" she questioned. John nodded, picking up the letter. He opened it and began to read out loud.

_1/16/10_

_Dear Rhiannon,_

_Hello, Princess. I know Daddy is reading this to you. I betcha he's crying. _

_First, know, Princess, I never wanted to leave you. You have no say when you die.I would love getting the chance to watch you grow. _

_So much I am going to miss. Your first day of school. Your first crush. Your first boyfriend. Seeing you go down the aisle with your husband. Your first baby._

_I hope you know love as deep as the love I share with Daddy. I hope you know the joy of holding a life you helped to create. _

_I was the first person to hold you. You were eight pounds, six ounces. You entered the world screaming your head off. One look into your baby blue eyes and you had me wrapped around your finger._

_Daddy wanted to name you Meegan Rose. Now, I have nothing against the name, Meegan but it didn't fit you. From Day one, I had my heart set on Rhiannon Keith. I don't know why, it just fit you. So, I let Daddy think he had won the 'Great Name Debate'. For six and a half months, he was convinced your name was Meegan. Then, you were born. Holding you, I knew then that you were not destined to be Meegan Rose._

_Our beautiful baby was Rhiannon Keith._

_Be good to Daddy. Make him smile when all he wants to do is cry. Treat others with respect. Generally, they will return the gesture. _

_When you are sad and lonely, remember I am always with you. I am the wind in your hair. I am the sun in your eyes. I am the cool October rain. I am the cold December snow._

_Don't be sad, Little One. I am never truly gone. Just remember I am everywhere._

_Cherish my memory. _

_When things seem impossible, search for my spirit. I will be there._

_Love always,_

_Papa_

_P.S I am giving you my commitment ring. It is a symbol of my love for Daddy. _

Rhiannon sniffled, wiping her eyes. She set her head on John's chest. She sighed.

Then, she began to speak.

"Papa visited me," she said non-chalantly. John shook his head. It was impossible.

"What, Princess?" he asked. She sighed again.

"He was in my dreams! He told me to make ya smile,"

John shook his head. What the young girl was telling him was unbelievable.

Yet, he believed Randy's spirit had contacted Rhiannon.

Glancing towards the sky, he smirked.

_There you go, Randy. Dead and still influencing our baby, _he thought.

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How do you spell crappy day? M-Y D-A-Y

This story has been a great stress reliever.

Read,Review but most of all... ENJOY!

JenLea


	8. Stress

Sand and Water Chapter 7

_Stress_

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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Closing his eyes, John entered the casket warehouse. Now that Randy was gone, he had to plan the funeral.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Chris, his companion murmured. He shook his head, in disbelief.

"Speak for yourself! I loved Randy with all my heart and soul," John spat bitterly. He was angry at the world. He snapped at people with the slightest provocation.

Love that had once filled his heart had been replaced with bitterness. Each time he was reminded of Randy, he was in tears.

Life was moving on. Not for John. He lingered on the memories of the love he had cherished so dearly.

In the three short days following Randy's death, Rhiannon had begun to regress. She had started wetting the bed. A beaten thumb sucker, she had taken up the habit again.

Randy's absence was obvious. He had given her baths. He had tucked her in at bedtime. He had read her stories.

John was the only person allowed to touch her. If anyone else did, she scream for 'Papa'. It broke John's heart.

With all that was going on in his life, it was no wonder that John was starting to suffer the effects of stress-related illness. Chronic headaches plagued him. Some days, he could barely move his neck.

"This one," John declared, touching the rich brown treated mahogany wood. The casket shimmered in the harsh fleurescant lighting. "Randy is the only man I've ever loved,"

Within hours, word of Randy's death had spread over the internet. Their friends and family found out. John had been bombarded with phone calls, faxes and e-mail.

"Did I tell you what Grandma Orton had the nerve to tell me?" John muttered, sitting on a bench outside the casket warehouse. Chris shook his head. "She actually said to me, 'I know the pain seems unbearable, but since you're gay, you'll find another lover,' Does that old Bat not realize how much I loved Randy? "

"I know. Elderly people never know what to say around gay people," Chris said, shaking his head.

John had absolutely no one to turn to in his grief. Everytime he spoke to a person, they offered him condolences and stupid comments. Out of all the people in his life, he was only able to turn to one person.

It was the last person he had ever expected. This man had been through it all before. He had lost his partner, the man he had sworn his life to.

Lance Evers

Few people knew he was gay, let alone that he had been a part of a loving relationship only ended by Death.

His partner, Darrin Matthews had contracted AIDS, a souvinear of his wilder days. He had survived ten years with the disease, leading a perfectly normal life. Lance had been with him for six of those ten years.

John's cellphone chirped. Fumbling for it, he found the small phone and pressed 'talk'.

"How's it going?"

"I just bought a sixteen-thousand dollar mahogany coffin for my husband. How's it going in Massachusetts?"

"Your house is pretty much packed up. We're heading out tomorrow,"

"You don't know how much you've helped me over the past few days,"

"Losing your partner is hard. I've been down that road. How's Rhiannon?"

"She started screaming when I left this morning."

"Poor thing,"

"Yeah. Let me let you go,"

"Bye," Lance hung up.

Thunder clapped. Startled, John jumped. Tears flooded his eyes. Deep in his mind, a memory began to take shape. Faintly, Randy's voice echoed in the deep recesses of his mind's eye.

_I'm deathly afraid of thunder._

_What?  
Just am. Always have been. Ask Mom if you don't believe me._

Randy was everywhere, in the sky, in the ground. Everywhere John looked, Randy was there.

Which made it even harder to cope.

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Stress, hmm, sounds like my life. My best friend's going into a mental hospital. I'm worried her boyfriend gonna do something crazy. Writing's my stress-reliever. Expect a lot of it in the next few days!

JenLea

Remember: Read, Review but most of all... ENJOY!


	9. Strength Needed

Sand and Water Chapter 9

_Strength Needed_

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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The small funeral home was crowded. Everywhere John looked, there was some insensitive individual, ready to offer misguided condolences.

"John," Randy's second cousin said. "Know he's fine. You can always find someone else,"

John turned his back on the idiotic man. He hated being here. He hated Randy for dying. He didn't need any of this crap.

"Daddy!" Rhiannon called, running up to him. He picked her up. She laid her head on his shoulder. "I was afraid you were going to leave and never come back, like Papa," Tears flooded John's eyes.

As much as he hated to admit it, Randy's absence was having a profound effect on Rhiannon's fragile psyche. She hadn't laughed since the night he died. He couldn't remember the last time she had smiled.

He was worried.

"Daddy, why is everyone around that big box?" she asked, glancing towards the front of the funeral home. People were gathered around the casket.

"That's what Papa's being buried in. Remember we talked about it?" he asked. She nodded. "Do you want to see his body?" She nodded.

Against his better judgement, he pushed through the crowd of people. The closer they got to the casket, the tighter Rhiannon clung.

This would be the first time since Randy's death that John had seen him. Glancing down at the shell of his lover, John couldn't believe how unusual Randy looked.

_He looks so unlike himself, _ he thought, trying not to cry.

"Daddy, can I touch him?" Rhiannon asked. John shook his head.

"That's not the best idea, Rhia," he said, not thinking.

"Don't call me Rhia! That's Papa's name!" she screamed. The funeral home fell silent. John set her on the ground.

Rhiannon ran to the casket. She reached out and touched Randy's body. A look of pure confusion crossed her face.

John knew what had happened.

Rhiannon had expected Randy to 'wake' up. She had expected him to be warm. She had expected him to be as she remembered.

"Baby," he whispered, touching her. She screeched. "Don't cry,"

Rhiannon ran into Chris. The other man picked her up. She wailed loudly. He rubbed her back.

"I'm taking her outside!" he called.

John fell to his knees. Tears of pain, tears of angst ran down his face. He had hurt his baby girl. He hadn't meant to slip.

"Why?" he wailed. "Why, God, why?"

Lance stumbled from the back of the crowd. Gently, he slipped his arm around John's shoulders. Then, he eased the distraught man up.

"You're going to be fine," he whispered in a soothing tone of voice. Silently, John nodded.

He was unable to believe how badly he had fallen apart. Pain tore through him. Shaking violently, he looked around. Then, he remembered Rhiannon was outside with Chris.

One thought lingered on his addled mind.

Where was strength when he needed it?

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I love this story! It's easily one of my favorites!

Chapter 10 should be up tomorrow night.

JenLea

Read, Review but most of all... ENJOY!


	10. Eulogy

Sand and Water Chapter 10

_Eulogy_

Disclaimer: I own no one!

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John sat on the balcony of Trish and Chris' fourteenth story apartment. Above him. people were having a passionate argument in what sounded like German. Below him, hardcore rock music was blasting.

The streets of New York were lit with life. Traffic rushed by. Horns beeped. The smell of fresh rain circulated through the breeze.

John was shaken. The scene in the funeral home had been tough. Rhiannon had barely recovered. In fact, she had cried herself to sleep, with John trying to comfort her.

All of a sudden, the music stopped below. John shook his head, trying to adjust to the sudden adjust in sound.

"It's a girl!" a man shouted. Tears spilled from John's eyes. He realized something that shook him up even more than before.

While life had stopped for himself and Rhiannon, life had gone on for the rest of the world.

"I can't do this," he murmured, staring out into the distance. A yellow legal pad and a black ink pen sat on the patio table. He jumped, as the door slid open behind him.

"Daddy?" Rhiannon murmured, walking up to him. She clutched a yellow stuffed bunny. John sighed. Randy had given her the bunny for her fourth birthday.

"Yes, Princess?" he asked. She climbed onto his lap. She set her head on his chest. He cradled her close. Holding her gave him the inspiration he so desperately needed. Then, he began to write.

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Like the day before, the church was crowded. Rhiannon was safely in Chris' arms. She kept her gaze fixed on John.

Needless to say, John was nervous. He had wrestled in front of thousands and yet, he couldn't find the nerve to deliver his husband's eulogy in front of a mere two hundred people.

The priest stepped aside as John made his way to the podium. The church fell silent. Drawing the sheet of paper from his pocket, he faced the crowd and began to read.

_Randy has been gone for four days. Each day without him as been harder than the day before. At this point in time, I can't figure out how I'm going to survive tomorrow or the next day. As I sat writing this, our four-year old daughter, Rhiannon climbed into my lap. Staring into her deep blue eyes_ (A/N- Yes, I stated she had brown eyes but bear with me here!), _I realize as long as I have Rhiannon, I have Randy with me. Her eyes, her smile is pure him. Everytime she laughs, it's as if I'm staring at a feminine Randy. Just because he's gone doesn't mean the mere essence of his soul doesn't live on. _

_I loved him from the first hello. One smile and I was under his enticing spell. Looking at Rhiannon, I see she has his smile. _

_One laugh and I vowed to make him laugh as much as I could. When Rhiannon laughs, I see she has his laugh, and that adds joy to my broken soul._

_Randy will live on. Through stories, through memories but most of all, _

_Through Rhiannon_

Tears welled up in his eyes. He held back a sob that caught in his chest. He couldn't believe he had successfully pulled off the eulogy.

He took his seat in the front of the church. Rhiannon climbed from Chris' lap to his. She settled there.

"Daddy, am I like Papa?" she asked.

_More than you know,_ he thought, shaking his head.

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Chapter 11 is up! It took longer than expected but oh well. I have enjoyed this story and I hope you do, too.

JenLea

Read, Review but most of all... ENJOY!


	11. Home

Sand and Water

_Home_

Disclaimer: I own no one.

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Bob Orton met him in the terminal of the St. Louis airport. John slowly made his way up to the older man. He sighed softly.

"John, did you bring Rhiannon?" Bob asked. John shook his head.

"Just brought Randy home," he replied. "He was searching for his way here for so long. He always wanted to see you again," The more he spoke, the more his tone of voice dropped.

"We didn't know he was so ill," Bob said. John shook his head. "We would have come," John gritted his teeth, trying to control his rage.

"You never saw Rhiannon," he said. Bob nodded.

"You're right. That was why we were hoping you'd bring her," Bob murmured. John stormed away from him. He couldn't take the lies anymore.

The Orton family had disowned Randy when they had learned of his homosexuality. That had been seven years prior. In that span of time, they hadn't been to Randy and John's commitment ceremony, seen Rhiannon, or even went to the New York funeral.

Through it all, Randy had remained optimistic about seeing his family again. They couldn't hold a grudge forever, he said. They would want to see Rhiannon, he said.

He had been wrong.

His immediate family hadn't even attempted to be there at his deathbed.

John sighed. He couldn't understand why Randy had insisted on being buried in St. Louis.

_When I die, I want to go home. Do whatever you can, John. Get me home,_

John sighed, searching for his luggage. He shook violently. He hated life. He hated life without Randy.

"I can't do this," he muttered. He left the airport. He needed sleep, above anything else.

John had never been to St. Louis with Randy. He hadn't seen it with the man who had loved this place. Randy's soul resounded through the streets.

"I hate this," he said, staring at the bright city lights. He reached into his carry-on bag and came up with an envelope.

_What? _he thought, baffled. He slit it open. In the back of the cab, he began to read.

_12/15/09_

_Dear John,_

_As I write this, you have gone home to take a shower. About time, Hon! _

_Home, what a concept. You helped me find a home. After my family disowned me, you took me in and showed me the meaning of love. _

_Home, Rhiannon will always know the meaning of the word. It may seem strange but she already knows where home is. A place of love._

_You may find it strange that I want to be buried in St. Louis, the place where my family disowned me. _

_That is home. I was born there. I lived there until eight years ago. That was home._

_The lesson I was trying to teach Rhiannon was simple._

_When you lose your way in life, you'll always have a home to go to. _

_I lost my way eight years ago. When I lost my way, you found me and helped me find my way to a new home. We had a beautiful baby. I loved you._

_It took eight years and my death but I finally made it home. _

_Love,_

_Randy_

John was stunned. How did Randy manage to do it? Everywhere John looked, he managed to find a letter from his dead lover.

Tears filled his eyes.

"Babe," he murmured. "You're home,"

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I don't know how many more chapters this story will be. There will possibly be a sequel.

JenLea

Read, Review but most of all... ENJOY!


	12. I'll See You on the Other Side

Sand and Water

_I'll See You on the Other Side_

Disclaimer: I own no one

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John grasped Rhiannon's hand. It was moist and sticky from something unidentifiable.

"Uncle Lance, what are we doing?" Rhiannon asked, slipping her hand into Lance's hand.

"Seeing Papa's grave," Lance replied, realizing John hadn't spoken since leaving Canada.

Three weeks after Randy's death, John had packed up and moved himself and Rhiannon to Calgary, Alberta, Canada. They lived with Lance in the house the older man had once shared with Darrin.

"I miss him," Rhiannon said, softly sniffling.

"We all do," Lance murmured. John ran towards the gravestone. Lance gently picked up the young child.

John had gotten Randy home. He had kept his promise.

Day-to-day life was a struggle. Rhiannon hadn't slept through the night in weeks. John had faced a bout of depression because his baby girl was so miserable. Yet, as tough as life was, each passing day grew a little easier to survive.

Lance had been an angel-in-disguise. He had helped John cope, when no else could or would be there for him. He had stayed up with Rhiannon when John had needed that extra bit of rest because of a rough day. None of John's concerns were too frivolous around Lance.

John had yet to see Randy's gravestone. A gift from Bob Orton, it had been erected after Randy's burial and a week after John had moved to Canada.

**RANDALL KEITH ORTON-CENA**

**April 1st, 1980-January 19th,2010**

**Loving Brother,Son,Husband,Father**

**I will see you in the light of a thousand suns**

Tears filled John's eyes. It had taken almost nine years, but finally the Orton family had accepted Randy for who he was.

Sadly, it came a little too late.

_Better late than never,_ John thought, bitterly.

John held a letter he had written on the flight. Rhiannon had slept. Lance had read a book. Both had seemed to realize that John had needed silence.

John glanced over the letter before sealing it in an envelope and placing it on the stone. It read:

_3/16/10_

_Dear Randy,_

_Two months have passed since I last saw you. Two months have passed since we laid you to rest._

_The past two months have been the hardest months of my life. Each day has been a struggle to survive. Rhiannon hasn't been coping well. Neither have I. _

_Simply put, we miss you. _

_Love fueled us for eight long years. Each year with you was a blessing. We never doubted each other's love. _

_Hopefully, I have another 30,40,50 years ahead before I am reunited with you. It's a long time, a very long time. I have my future to live for. I have Rhiannon to live for._

_She looks more like you with each passing day. She is my only reason for life without you. _

_Some days, I am fine. I don't cry. Then, other days, something reminds me of you. Rhiannon may do something that is pure you. I may find one of your many cleverly hidden letters._

_One thing brings me comfort._

_I'll see you on the other side._

_Love,_

_John_

John set the letter against the gravestone. Tears spilled from his eyes.

Rhiannon ran up to him. He scooped her up.

A light breeze blew through the cemetery. Shaking his head, John sighed, sensing a faint whiff of familiar cologne.

Randy was there in spirit.

**THE END**

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This is the final chapter of 'Sand and Water'. Chapter 1 of the prequel 'Angel's Lullaby' will be up either tonight or tomorrow afternoon. It deals with how Rhiannon was born.

Hope you enjoyed the final chapter of 'Sand and Water'.

JenLea

Read, Review but most of all...ENJOY!


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